With all of the problems going on with relationships in this country, it is refreshing to see that least marriage counseling is becoming more popular. It wasn't all that long ago that marriage and family counseling was frowned upon. Going to a marriage counselor meant that you just could not handle problems yourself. If you were a woman, it meant that you were neurotic. If you were a man, it meant that you weren't sufficiently authoritative. Thankfully, those days are gone, and marriage counselors are completely accepted in the mainstream in this day and age. After all, good marriage therapy has saved many a relationship.
A lot of people think that marriage counseling is only for people who are at the end of their rope. I thought this for a long time. I love my wife, and never thought about getting a divorce, but I just wasn't exactly happy with the way our marriage was going either. We had certain fights over and over again, and it seemed like we weren't as happy as when we first got together. Some people told me that this was normal, but I refuse to believe it. I thought that marriage counseling might help and, despite the snickers of my friends, went and gave it a try.
My wife was more than willing to try it out with me. She is always very cooperative, and we have always seen our marriage as more of a partnership than anything else. When we went into the marriage counseling together, we both did it knowing that we wanted our marriage to prosper like it used to. It wasn't anything like I had thought. Neither of us lay down on the couch, and the marriage counselor took a very informal tone with us. It was kind of comfortable, and even relaxing. There were tough moments in the marriage counseling, of course. We both had to face up to some very difficult realities. Nonetheless, overall it was a good time. We were getting along better and better, and it was clear that the therapy was working.
Marriage counseling doesn't work overnight, but it does work. In my case, it took a good eight months before we were really working as a team again. It might seem like a lot of time, but compare that to a lifetime. Eight months of marriage counseling is worth another 30 years of marital bliss if you ask me. It is simple mathematics more than anything else.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Using Interpersonal Attraction To Attract Relationships
nterpersonal attraction in simple terms is what causes relationships and friendships. It is a major situation in psychology that is studied. There is not much data on what would cause a person to be attracted to another and then be repulsed by someone else. Despite all the studies, interpersonal attraction remains a mystery. Of course, certain principles are at work.
There is a belief that people are attracted to people who have the same level attractiveness physically. Also people from the same social background or similar economic situation will be experiencing the interpersonal attraction when they are drawn together. However in some cases, people who are opposites will be attracted and happier together than two people who are similar in personality and dominance. You may have more control over interpersonal attraction than you think.
You may be unable to use concentration when trying to attract a certain person; however you can use certain concepts when attracting a certain type of person to you. Like attracts like, so says the universal law of attraction. Based upon what you believe, magnetic attraction will draw certain things to you. A conscious creation of your personal reality can affect you as well.
Your first step is to decide what you would want in a person, and believe that there is a person out there that fits your criteria an is able to come into your life. You must believe in what you want and whether it is available to you in order for the person with those qualities to be drawn to you. The attraction of a person that complements us, called interpersonal attraction is affected by belief and thoughts just like other types of situations or finances are affected by thoughts. If you have decided that you will have prosperity and can attract it, then you can also have a positive person in your life by attracting them. The positive belief that you have will surround you in an aura of possessiveness. This will affect those that you seek to attract because it puts out a signal for others that are positive.
Since it is believed that people will gravitate toward those that will complement their personality, then the positive aura that surrounds you will attract those that are positive. Being open to financial prosperity and good fortune will work in your favor as well, because it will attract people that hold the same belief. Amazing things can happen with the power of positive thought, not just with finances or a job but with the people you attract to yourself. Attraction must be mutual in order to work and when you believe positive things about yourself you help interpersonal attraction work to draw positive people to yourself.
There is a belief that people are attracted to people who have the same level attractiveness physically. Also people from the same social background or similar economic situation will be experiencing the interpersonal attraction when they are drawn together. However in some cases, people who are opposites will be attracted and happier together than two people who are similar in personality and dominance. You may have more control over interpersonal attraction than you think.
You may be unable to use concentration when trying to attract a certain person; however you can use certain concepts when attracting a certain type of person to you. Like attracts like, so says the universal law of attraction. Based upon what you believe, magnetic attraction will draw certain things to you. A conscious creation of your personal reality can affect you as well.
Your first step is to decide what you would want in a person, and believe that there is a person out there that fits your criteria an is able to come into your life. You must believe in what you want and whether it is available to you in order for the person with those qualities to be drawn to you. The attraction of a person that complements us, called interpersonal attraction is affected by belief and thoughts just like other types of situations or finances are affected by thoughts. If you have decided that you will have prosperity and can attract it, then you can also have a positive person in your life by attracting them. The positive belief that you have will surround you in an aura of possessiveness. This will affect those that you seek to attract because it puts out a signal for others that are positive.
Since it is believed that people will gravitate toward those that will complement their personality, then the positive aura that surrounds you will attract those that are positive. Being open to financial prosperity and good fortune will work in your favor as well, because it will attract people that hold the same belief. Amazing things can happen with the power of positive thought, not just with finances or a job but with the people you attract to yourself. Attraction must be mutual in order to work and when you believe positive things about yourself you help interpersonal attraction work to draw positive people to yourself.
Monday, July 26, 2010
A reality check on abstinence from sex controversy
When you hear the phase, 'abstinence from sex', what situations come immediately to mind? Usually, we think of one of three situations: that of the priest, vowed to celibacy, teens who want to take advantage of those raging hormones and experience sex, and persons who have contracted a disease through having sex and ethically, shouldn't pass it along. The priest is a grown man and, as such, is honor bound to keep his vow of celibacy. Adults not of the priesthood many, through promiscuity, or even just through bad luck, contract one or more serious diseases, such as AIDS, or any number of STDs, including herpes. This article is written with teens in mind. We hope to provide you with some good reasons to practice abstinence from sex, which surpasses Mrs Reagan's 'just say no' approach. While we must assume her heart was in the right place, the strategy was fairly ineffectual, garnering more snickers than adherents among the target group.
Teens are still developing, physically and emotionally, going through stages at sometimes lightning speed. Good judgment and balanced reasoning are not your strong points. Nonetheless, there at the back of your mind sits your parents' and teachers' recommendations of practicing abstinence from sex, at least until you've dated a number and variety of personalities and have achieved adulthood. Is this bad advice? In your heart of hearts, the answer is probably no. In a practical moment, such as when you're folding laundry or feeding the cat, consider whether one night's hot date is worth living with AIDS forever. Not. Herpes is another lifelong condition you don't want, unpleasant, painful and certainly putting a permanent cramp in your future adult sex life. Did you know that herpes can be passed on to your babies?
This brings us to another reason why abstinence from sex may be a smart move for you now. Even if you do not contract a serious, life-threatening disease, what about an unwanted pregnancy? Once you become pregnant, you must face the choice of starting a family, perhaps as a single Mom, or going through the traumatic process of abortion. If you opt for having the child, your dreams of education and a better future go by the wayside. You're forced to grow up far more quickly than is good for you and your child. Both boys and girls feel the impact of just a moment's pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
Have we convinced you of the merits of abstinence from sex? These points are worth a second look, despite what the famous Mrs. Reagan had to say on the subject. Drugs and sex do seem to go hand-in-hand. Give yourself a chance to get some smarts on both subjects before flying off on an emotional tangent that will color your life for decades, or perhaps even end it.
Teens are still developing, physically and emotionally, going through stages at sometimes lightning speed. Good judgment and balanced reasoning are not your strong points. Nonetheless, there at the back of your mind sits your parents' and teachers' recommendations of practicing abstinence from sex, at least until you've dated a number and variety of personalities and have achieved adulthood. Is this bad advice? In your heart of hearts, the answer is probably no. In a practical moment, such as when you're folding laundry or feeding the cat, consider whether one night's hot date is worth living with AIDS forever. Not. Herpes is another lifelong condition you don't want, unpleasant, painful and certainly putting a permanent cramp in your future adult sex life. Did you know that herpes can be passed on to your babies?
This brings us to another reason why abstinence from sex may be a smart move for you now. Even if you do not contract a serious, life-threatening disease, what about an unwanted pregnancy? Once you become pregnant, you must face the choice of starting a family, perhaps as a single Mom, or going through the traumatic process of abortion. If you opt for having the child, your dreams of education and a better future go by the wayside. You're forced to grow up far more quickly than is good for you and your child. Both boys and girls feel the impact of just a moment's pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
Have we convinced you of the merits of abstinence from sex? These points are worth a second look, despite what the famous Mrs. Reagan had to say on the subject. Drugs and sex do seem to go hand-in-hand. Give yourself a chance to get some smarts on both subjects before flying off on an emotional tangent that will color your life for decades, or perhaps even end it.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Are Your Friends Causing Your Marriage Problems?
Your friends are important to you for many reasons. They are the ones that are there for you when you have a bad breakup, or when you just need someone to listen. They often come to your aid, remember your birthday, and have the guts to tell you things that others hold back. However, after you have left single dating life behind, they may not be happy if they are still single and you are not. In fact, some friends have been huge sources of marriage problems in otherwise great unions. At times, you may have to cut friends free.
You can never blame marriage problems on anyone but you or your spouse, but you should know that your friends can influence you in bad ways if you let them. This means that you have changed and they have not, but you still try to have the same relationship with them as you did before. Your friends can also have bad habits and they can influence you to have them too. Once you are around something for so long, you start to think that it is normal and you may do it to. This can lead to huge marriage problems if you are not careful.
Some people in marriages find that they don't care to leave the single life behind. They cheat on their spouse, or at least put a show on of doing just that. It could be that they married too young, or that they need that ego boost because they have low self esteem. If your spouse is hanging out with people that are doing this all the time, they are more likely to do it too. Even the best spouses can slip up under the influence of friends behaving badly. If your wife or husband is hanging out with questionable people, talk to them about how it makes you feel and about your concerns that it could lead to marriage problems for the two of you.
If your friends are not sure about your spouse and say subtle things to put them down, this can weigh on your mind after a while and cause marriage problems. You may not even know they are doing it, and they may not understand that they are hurting your marriage. They may be envious of your relationship or they may want their single friend back because they are still single themselves. These are dangerous friends, even if they do not mean to be. If you find that this is going on, you have to tell them that you do not like what they are saying, and unless they have a good reason for saying something, they should keep their feelings to themselves.
If you feel that your friends are causing marriage problems for you and your spouse, you have to put your marriage first. Tell them that you can not go out with them if they are intent on picking someone else when their spouse is at home. Tell them that you have to put your marriage first even if it means losing them. Most of your friends are going to be understanding and may even suggest that they are having a hard time adjusting to the change, but also that they will work on it. Others won't care about your marriage problems, and if that is the case, it is time to cut them loose.
You can never blame marriage problems on anyone but you or your spouse, but you should know that your friends can influence you in bad ways if you let them. This means that you have changed and they have not, but you still try to have the same relationship with them as you did before. Your friends can also have bad habits and they can influence you to have them too. Once you are around something for so long, you start to think that it is normal and you may do it to. This can lead to huge marriage problems if you are not careful.
Some people in marriages find that they don't care to leave the single life behind. They cheat on their spouse, or at least put a show on of doing just that. It could be that they married too young, or that they need that ego boost because they have low self esteem. If your spouse is hanging out with people that are doing this all the time, they are more likely to do it too. Even the best spouses can slip up under the influence of friends behaving badly. If your wife or husband is hanging out with questionable people, talk to them about how it makes you feel and about your concerns that it could lead to marriage problems for the two of you.
If your friends are not sure about your spouse and say subtle things to put them down, this can weigh on your mind after a while and cause marriage problems. You may not even know they are doing it, and they may not understand that they are hurting your marriage. They may be envious of your relationship or they may want their single friend back because they are still single themselves. These are dangerous friends, even if they do not mean to be. If you find that this is going on, you have to tell them that you do not like what they are saying, and unless they have a good reason for saying something, they should keep their feelings to themselves.
If you feel that your friends are causing marriage problems for you and your spouse, you have to put your marriage first. Tell them that you can not go out with them if they are intent on picking someone else when their spouse is at home. Tell them that you have to put your marriage first even if it means losing them. Most of your friends are going to be understanding and may even suggest that they are having a hard time adjusting to the change, but also that they will work on it. Others won't care about your marriage problems, and if that is the case, it is time to cut them loose.
Relationship Counseling
You have one huge blowout with your partner or spouse, and you fear the relationship is over. You said things you didn't mean, and so did your significant other. Perhaps you have one issue that you can not seem to come to terms with, and you fight about it over and over again. These things can happen in the best of relationships, and without intervention, those relationships could be doomed when they do not have to be. Many couples can overcome these things and find peace in their home with some relationship counseling. It is not always necessary, but it can certainly help couples avoid divorce or separation.
Relationships of all types are hard. It doesn't matter if you are talking about your relationship with your parents, your friends, your siblings, or your romantic interest or spouse. There are not any relationships out there that are perfect. If you do not argue once in a while, resentments build up and huge explosions follow – explosions that can rock the foundation of any relationship. With good relationship counseling, those explosions can be avoided. You can also avoid divorce and be granted a whole new beginning in your marriage with good relationship counseling.
Communication breakdowns are often the reasons why people end up in relationship counseling, even if they don't realize it. They may think they are fighting about how much time one spouse spends away from the house, or how the other won't help with the chores, but at the core of almost all problems that couples have is communication problems. In relationship counseling, couples learn this and understand a bit more from where all their problems are really coming. If you can't talk, nothing will ever change because your spouse has no idea why you are really so upset.
Couples in all types of relationship counseling learn how to talk to each other fairly and without judgment. They learn how to say what worries them the most, what they are feeling and what they hope will happen without making the other person in the relationship feeling as if they are being attacked. They learn how to really say what the real problem is without focusing on smaller issues. The issues are rarely the problem, though they may seem so in the middle of a rocky relationship. Talking openly and honestly about issues and feelings is the best way to preserve and build a great relationship.
Relationship counseling can save marriages, but it can also save families. Children and parents can find they have drifted apart while the child is a teenager, which is hard on everyone. Sometimes, in-laws cause problems and other times siblings fight and refuse to speak to each other for years. Relationship counseling can help with all of these types of problems and relationships. What may be surprising is how quickly things can turn around with the right type of counseling. Problem relationships can turn out to be amazing relationships with just a little help from the outside.
Relationships of all types are hard. It doesn't matter if you are talking about your relationship with your parents, your friends, your siblings, or your romantic interest or spouse. There are not any relationships out there that are perfect. If you do not argue once in a while, resentments build up and huge explosions follow – explosions that can rock the foundation of any relationship. With good relationship counseling, those explosions can be avoided. You can also avoid divorce and be granted a whole new beginning in your marriage with good relationship counseling.
Communication breakdowns are often the reasons why people end up in relationship counseling, even if they don't realize it. They may think they are fighting about how much time one spouse spends away from the house, or how the other won't help with the chores, but at the core of almost all problems that couples have is communication problems. In relationship counseling, couples learn this and understand a bit more from where all their problems are really coming. If you can't talk, nothing will ever change because your spouse has no idea why you are really so upset.
Couples in all types of relationship counseling learn how to talk to each other fairly and without judgment. They learn how to say what worries them the most, what they are feeling and what they hope will happen without making the other person in the relationship feeling as if they are being attacked. They learn how to really say what the real problem is without focusing on smaller issues. The issues are rarely the problem, though they may seem so in the middle of a rocky relationship. Talking openly and honestly about issues and feelings is the best way to preserve and build a great relationship.
Relationship counseling can save marriages, but it can also save families. Children and parents can find they have drifted apart while the child is a teenager, which is hard on everyone. Sometimes, in-laws cause problems and other times siblings fight and refuse to speak to each other for years. Relationship counseling can help with all of these types of problems and relationships. What may be surprising is how quickly things can turn around with the right type of counseling. Problem relationships can turn out to be amazing relationships with just a little help from the outside.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Dating Services Becoming More Mainstream
When many of use think about dating services, the MAD TV sketch "Lowered Expectations" often comes to mind. The stereotype is the homely, middle-aged woman with 12 cats who is hooking up with the balding, pot-bellied man who has recently remodeled his living room to look like the inside of a bowling alley.
Why have they gone through the dating service? Because let's face it, they are probably not going to find anybody else, right? Thanks to a number of social factors, however, that is all changing.
With society becoming more fragmented through such things as working from home, and technological advances that make staying at home more appealing than it once was, dating services are being utilized by more and more people looking to make a love connection. There are some advantages to this avenue, as well.
For one, participants are matched based on a set of shared characteristics, including interests, age and appearance preference, socioeconomic levels and many other factors. Users of dating services are sometimes given background checks for such things as criminal histories. The main appeal of such services is that you almost always know what you're going to get, something that cannot be said about slapping on some cologne or perfume and going out to a local club.
In an age where a lot of us don't seem to even know our neighbors, dating services can be a useful tool for many people, and more and more of them are popping up. One only has to watch their favorite television show to see commercials for such services as Eharmony or Match.com.
A difficulty confronting many Americans is longer working hours and the lack of an opportunity to socialize. With workplace romances discouraged by most employers, where are we supposed to meet and fall in love?
Dating services have filled an important niche in society, and the stigma that was once attached to their use has all but evaporated. On a weekly basis, I hear co-workers talk about people they have met through such services because they were just tired of the dating scene. Two of my very close friends met through a dating service, fell in love, and have been together for the last 12 years.
As the saying goes, all's fair in love and war, and with an ever-evolving world, dating services have become fair when it comes to love. As people continue to prioritize, putting personal happiness ahead of what others may think, and realizing that loneliness can likely be cured with a few clicks of a computer mouse or a quick phone call, dating services will only become more prolific in the coming years.
Why have they gone through the dating service? Because let's face it, they are probably not going to find anybody else, right? Thanks to a number of social factors, however, that is all changing.
With society becoming more fragmented through such things as working from home, and technological advances that make staying at home more appealing than it once was, dating services are being utilized by more and more people looking to make a love connection. There are some advantages to this avenue, as well.
For one, participants are matched based on a set of shared characteristics, including interests, age and appearance preference, socioeconomic levels and many other factors. Users of dating services are sometimes given background checks for such things as criminal histories. The main appeal of such services is that you almost always know what you're going to get, something that cannot be said about slapping on some cologne or perfume and going out to a local club.
In an age where a lot of us don't seem to even know our neighbors, dating services can be a useful tool for many people, and more and more of them are popping up. One only has to watch their favorite television show to see commercials for such services as Eharmony or Match.com.
A difficulty confronting many Americans is longer working hours and the lack of an opportunity to socialize. With workplace romances discouraged by most employers, where are we supposed to meet and fall in love?
Dating services have filled an important niche in society, and the stigma that was once attached to their use has all but evaporated. On a weekly basis, I hear co-workers talk about people they have met through such services because they were just tired of the dating scene. Two of my very close friends met through a dating service, fell in love, and have been together for the last 12 years.
As the saying goes, all's fair in love and war, and with an ever-evolving world, dating services have become fair when it comes to love. As people continue to prioritize, putting personal happiness ahead of what others may think, and realizing that loneliness can likely be cured with a few clicks of a computer mouse or a quick phone call, dating services will only become more prolific in the coming years.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Dating Relationships
When you first start dating someone that you think could be the one you want to end up with forever, there are some huge mistakes that can derail that relationship. It can be easy to do all the right things when you don't care as much about what will happen next, but when that special one crosses your path, nerves and uncertainty can cause you to make some bad choices. These tips can help you make the most of your dating relationships when you feel it is important to make all the right moves. Dating seems tricky, but finding the right person is not missioned impossible, as it may seem.
No one have a magic formula to make dating relationships what they should be all of the time. Humans make mistakes, and those mistakes are bound to come up during a date here and there. Humans are as forgiving as they are prone to mistakes, so if you are with the right one, those mistakes are not going to be as big as they could be. However, there are some deal breakers in dating relationships that can really turn off the other person, leaving you wondering what happened.
One of the most debated things in dating relationships is when to make that first call after the first date. Now that we have texting, email, and social networking sites, the time to contact the person again is even more confusing in nature. If you call right after the date, the person may get scared off, even if they like you. If you wait too long, they may have already written you off as a game player. What can you do? Perhaps a short text right after the date about how much fun you had and then call the next night or the day after. This won't always be the best idea, but it is not bad. Read the person and then decide.
Moving in too fast, in other ways than with the phone call, can also scare someone off, even if they like you. Getting too close to fast is uncomfortable for many. Take it easy and slow, even if you are falling head over heels fast, and go by their cues. If you really listen to them or pay attention to their body language, you can tell when you can move faster or when they need some space. That 'can't get enough of you' phase will come soon enough if you take it easy and play it cool. Don't play games in dating relationships, but don't seem needy either so the person feels overwhelmed.
Lastly, don't make assumptions about your dating relationships. If you have not had 'the talk' yet, do not assume that the other is going to be okay with you dating others. On the other hand, don't assume that the relationship is exclusive if you have not talked about it. It can be tricky. Some treat all dating relationships as exclusive until they know if it is going to work out or not to avoid all problems. If you are dating around, make sure the other knows it so they can decide if they want to be involved or not. Otherwise, you could end up liking them a lot but they walk away because you were not honest with them.
No one have a magic formula to make dating relationships what they should be all of the time. Humans make mistakes, and those mistakes are bound to come up during a date here and there. Humans are as forgiving as they are prone to mistakes, so if you are with the right one, those mistakes are not going to be as big as they could be. However, there are some deal breakers in dating relationships that can really turn off the other person, leaving you wondering what happened.
One of the most debated things in dating relationships is when to make that first call after the first date. Now that we have texting, email, and social networking sites, the time to contact the person again is even more confusing in nature. If you call right after the date, the person may get scared off, even if they like you. If you wait too long, they may have already written you off as a game player. What can you do? Perhaps a short text right after the date about how much fun you had and then call the next night or the day after. This won't always be the best idea, but it is not bad. Read the person and then decide.
Moving in too fast, in other ways than with the phone call, can also scare someone off, even if they like you. Getting too close to fast is uncomfortable for many. Take it easy and slow, even if you are falling head over heels fast, and go by their cues. If you really listen to them or pay attention to their body language, you can tell when you can move faster or when they need some space. That 'can't get enough of you' phase will come soon enough if you take it easy and play it cool. Don't play games in dating relationships, but don't seem needy either so the person feels overwhelmed.
Lastly, don't make assumptions about your dating relationships. If you have not had 'the talk' yet, do not assume that the other is going to be okay with you dating others. On the other hand, don't assume that the relationship is exclusive if you have not talked about it. It can be tricky. Some treat all dating relationships as exclusive until they know if it is going to work out or not to avoid all problems. If you are dating around, make sure the other knows it so they can decide if they want to be involved or not. Otherwise, you could end up liking them a lot but they walk away because you were not honest with them.
Dating Tips in the Modern Age
Growing up, we grow used to a fairy tale ending. Boy (preferably a prince) meets girl (obviously a princess), they fall in love, and live happily ever after. Blame it on what you like, but that's not how dating goes these days. Whether it's from friends, family, or complete strangers, it seems as though there's an endless supply of dating tips out there. Here are some of the easiest to adopt dating tips that just might help you find that Mr. or Miss Right.
First off, be yourself. I know this sounds cheesy and easier said than done, but it's the cardinal rule of dating tips. Honesty is often considered the cornerstone of any good relationship, but being honest about which you are is the foundation beneath it. A friend of mine recently found herself in a position where she had nothing left to lose. She had an awful job, a ton of debt, and was considering moving home. She wasn't looking to meet anyone, but a guy she ran into on a regular basis asked her out for a drink. Because she had no reason to hide anything, and believing the date wasn't going to result in anything further, she was 100% frank about everything in her life. The result? The guy found her honesty refreshing, an insisted on continuing to see her. Honesty pays.
Searching to no avail? Stop looking. If you're anything like me, this may sound laughable at first, but looking for that special someone often limits our ability to find them. It's one of the hardest dating tips to follow, but it's important. This dating tip does make a lot of sense when you think about it, though. Remember the last time you couldn't find something as you were running out the door, but in the process of your search, you found everything you didn't need? We've all been there, and it's the same thing with love. If you're looking too hard, you may find yourself manufacturing qualities in others and spinning justifications because you WANT to find what you're looking for- not because you actually have. If you stop looking, you're more likely to be surprised, and take notice, when it shows up.
It may seem obvious, but have an open mind. This is one of those dating tips that go against every romantic comedy you've ever seen, but is realistic. The dating show Tough Love on MTV encounters women all the time that have a “checklist” of sorts- a list of qualities they're looking for in a man. Even the experts on the show hand out the same dating tip: ditch the list. So what if the guy on your list doesn't make six figures right now? That doesn't mean he won't in the future, and money really is NOT everything. The girl you're talking to isn't the DD fantasy you hand in mind? Too bad, because she could be the one woman who finally GETS your sense of humor. Stop setting strict expectations, and enjoy the moment. You might be surprised where it gets you.
First off, be yourself. I know this sounds cheesy and easier said than done, but it's the cardinal rule of dating tips. Honesty is often considered the cornerstone of any good relationship, but being honest about which you are is the foundation beneath it. A friend of mine recently found herself in a position where she had nothing left to lose. She had an awful job, a ton of debt, and was considering moving home. She wasn't looking to meet anyone, but a guy she ran into on a regular basis asked her out for a drink. Because she had no reason to hide anything, and believing the date wasn't going to result in anything further, she was 100% frank about everything in her life. The result? The guy found her honesty refreshing, an insisted on continuing to see her. Honesty pays.
Searching to no avail? Stop looking. If you're anything like me, this may sound laughable at first, but looking for that special someone often limits our ability to find them. It's one of the hardest dating tips to follow, but it's important. This dating tip does make a lot of sense when you think about it, though. Remember the last time you couldn't find something as you were running out the door, but in the process of your search, you found everything you didn't need? We've all been there, and it's the same thing with love. If you're looking too hard, you may find yourself manufacturing qualities in others and spinning justifications because you WANT to find what you're looking for- not because you actually have. If you stop looking, you're more likely to be surprised, and take notice, when it shows up.
It may seem obvious, but have an open mind. This is one of those dating tips that go against every romantic comedy you've ever seen, but is realistic. The dating show Tough Love on MTV encounters women all the time that have a “checklist” of sorts- a list of qualities they're looking for in a man. Even the experts on the show hand out the same dating tip: ditch the list. So what if the guy on your list doesn't make six figures right now? That doesn't mean he won't in the future, and money really is NOT everything. The girl you're talking to isn't the DD fantasy you hand in mind? Too bad, because she could be the one woman who finally GETS your sense of humor. Stop setting strict expectations, and enjoy the moment. You might be surprised where it gets you.
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